Greetings to all!

This June 11, just under two months from now, I, along with Jeri-Ann and Theresa Maria will be traveling to Nicaragua. For me, it will be the first time back in almost 17 years, for Jeri and Theresa, it will be their first visit. I am going to say the final goodbye as Tio Payo's ashes are interred alongside with Papa Leonardo, Mama Ofelia, Tío Armando, and Tía Carmen Lacayo. Also, I perhaps, for the final time, say goodbye to my Mama Lydia Pernudi, who is now over 90 years old. At the same time, I go to reunite with my parents, as well as my aunts and uncles and cousins that I have not seen for many, many years. It figures to be a grand reunion!

Strangely, just as far back as only last year, all of this did not seem possible. For years I mentioned to family in Nicaragua that maybe I would travel, maybe I would visit and it never came to pass. Alas, they didn't believe me anymore that I would ever return. Yet, oddly enough, one day in the midst of it appearing that I would never return to Nicaragua, it just entered into my head that I needed to expand the circle of my family that I communicated with. For quite a few years, I had exchanged email with my Tía Ofelita and my other cousin, Roberto Abraham Perezalonso, her son. At the same time, we visited my cousin Lisa Shirley and her children, her mom and dad, Richard and Lila Crispen, Tía Graciela Cashion Lacayo and Tía Adilia Way Lacayo and their family in the San Diego area, but strangely, never with anyone else outside this circle.

Somehow a conversation that I had with my mom came to rest on the subject of one of my cousins, Lucrecia DeFranco Diaz or as I call her, Quechita. Whatever the reason, I decided to correspond with her and consequently composed an email to her.

Until I had sent her this email, I was astounded and embarrassed to think that in this age of instant communication, I had let so many years slip away and not correspond with more of my cousins from Nicaragua. The same old excuse holds true: you’re too busy with work, too busy with your immediate family, too busy traveling, too busy with your finances, too busy with friends or sometimes maybe you just don’t want to talk with anyone and you neglect and postpone, avoid and duck for cover, lest anyone know that you’re either not as successful as you thought you were going to be or you don’t look as good as you want to look or you just want to avoid someone in the family that drives you up the wall. Whatever the reason, you don’t want to communicate with anyone and time leaves you in its preverbal cloud of dust.

Rather than keep choking on that cloud, I started with Quechita in order to start clearing up the view of the road ahead. In my email, I commented to her about the past, the loss of dearly loved ones, how our generation would eventually, replace our parents' as the old one and the fact that our descendants may never know each other. Finally, how it would be good to see her and the rest of the family again.

Difficult to say that, I don't know if the actions you take start setting off a series of events, whether or not you are responsible, only God can answer.

We attended my cousin, Lisa Crispen's Wedding to Anthony Shirley in San Diego, in early October, 2007 and met up with most of the family we kept in contact with, but we also reunited after many, many years with Robert and Carmen Huff, Tía Adilia's son-in-law and daughter as well as their children Tyler and Tinika. At the same time, we met up with Dean Crispen, his wife and two sons. Needless to say it was such a great event. We danced and we ate and we talked and we laughed and we ate and we danced some more! We truly enjoyed ourselves.

For every time of joy there is a time of sorrow. Next came the reunion with many of you, under the sad circumstances of the death of Tío Payo.

With many of you, I shared my thoughts on the death of Tío Rafael Lacayo, who sadly passed away in late October, 2007. In his passing, many of the family came together to say goodbye and pay their respects and for many of us it was the first time we had seen each other in many years. For some of us, it was the first time we had ever met.

Even in the shadow of sadness, it was good to experience the closeness of reuniting with family. It was if though by his passing, the gathering and rekindling of old family ties had been made possible. We took pictures and talked, shared memories, shed tears and laughed together, looked at old pictures while reminiscing. While this was occurring, I spoke to my Tía Ofelita and Tía Quecha that day by phone and I felt very emotional and quite teary eyed, choking up as we talked. It was like a trip to the past for me. A journey back to a time when family got together at the drop of a hat. From that moment on, as we all visited with each other, it was decided by all of us there, that we needed to keep in touch and maintain communication.

Following this milestone, came December, 2007; we received an email from Quechita, stating that Leonardo Alfonso Diaz, her nephew, son of Leonardo and Ligia Diaz, was coming to work in Carson, CA, about one hour south of where we live, and that she asked us to “look out for him” and to help with his transition from living in Nicaragua to living in “Gringolandia”.

Now, my parents knew Leo Alfonso from their many trips to Nicaragua. Sadly, neither I, Jeri-Ann, Paul James nor Theresa Maria had ever met him. My dad and I replied that we would make sure that Leonardo felt at home as much as possible.

Now as strange as it may seem, it wasn’t until just a couple of weeks ago, that Leo and I were sitting down and talking during one of his many weekend stays with us here at our home that he told me something that I had been thinking about and to some degree under lied the email I had send Quechita many months earlier, as well as, I think, the motivation behind our decision at the funeral reception to start communicating with one another. Leo stated to me that when his Papa Enrique was still alive, any family get together or reunion they had, basically meant you showed up, no excuses, period. I commented that the same memory came to mind when Papa Leonardo was still alive. To quite a degree we reflected on how much that family tradition has been lost now and it doesn’t seem that will ever be recaptured again. The new generation to one extent or another doesn’t adhere to that any more.

Sadly, we both concurred, when the generations of our sons and daughters and their children grow up, they will probably not know each other anymore. Cousins will beget second cousins and third and fourth and so on and so on and maybe, outside of a one in a million chance that down the branch of the original trunk two will intertwine again, that which we knew, will be lost forever to our posterity.

So in an attempt to prevent as much of the inevitable loss of family contact that will occur, perhaps like the Dutch Boy sticking his finger in the collapsing dike; nevertheless, it should be up to us to pass down to those who, God willing, will be our grand and great grand children the history of who we were.

Before closing, I reflect on Leo Alfonso’s work stay here in Southern California, as a blueprint for forging family ties that never were and continuing to build on those that have been dormant. I informed him that even though we never had met him as soon we knew that he would be coming, it was like we had always known him and were very much looking forward to meeting him. Our hearts and our arms were wide open in welcoming him here since the first time he came to visit. Because of him, I spoke with my cousins Rodrigo, Leonardo and Odilie for the first time in over a decade.

From January onward, Leo has stayed with us over several weekends. We sometimes watch movies or catch a Lakers game. We have made him Laurel and Hardy fan! He has walked with us in the malls of Northridge and Simi Valley. He spent Palm Sunday and Easter with us. We have taken him to Disneyland and California Adventures, gone to Ventura Harbor and strolled along the beach, walked on Hollywood Blvd. and visited Grauman's Chinese Theatre. This past Sunday, we took advantage of a nice sunny day to go swimming at the pool. Before, June, we are planning to go to the Ronald Reagan Museum and Griffith Park Observatory, and Olvera Street in L.A., while also going with us to celebrate one of my brother-in-law's birthday on May 3.

Leo was never a stranger; he was and is family. He is home. It is a pleasure having him with us.

Finally, I close with the thought that although we may not communicate with each other for a very long time or get along with one another all the time; we have fought and we have reconciled, laughed and wept, but in the end we are and always shall be: family.

Thanks to all of you for keeping in contact once again, while creating new ties and renewing old ones.

God Bless you all.

Sincerely,

Paul M. Lacayo

Cambia Todo Cambia

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Mercedes Sosa, the famous Argentinean singer, opens her version of the song Cambia Todo Cambia* (Everything Changes), with these lyrics:

“Cambia lo superficial
“That which is superficial, changes
cambia también lo profundo
That which is profound, also changes
cambia el modo de pensar
Even the way we think, changes
cambia todo en este mundo...”
Everything in this world, changes...”

This past weekend, the changes that we experienced in what we knew and what we remembered about Rafael De Jesus Lacayo, because in the early morning hours of October 28, 2007, he passed away. With his death, our family ties were radically altered.

We can consider that the death of Rafael Lacayo, mi Tio Payo, could be insignificant since he was only one human being among 6 billion men, women and children living on this planet.

However, it is definitely not insignificant to his children, Margui y Rafael, neither for his siblings, cousins, nephews and nieces, nor his friends.

For each man and woman touches the life of every other human being for better or for worse. In the case of my uncle, it was much more for the best than for the worst. Although there have been other deaths in our family: My Papa Leonardo y Mama Ofelia (my paternal grandparents), who died within two weeks of each other (October 1 and 15 of 1991, respectively). The loss of my Tío Enrique Díaz Lacayo, husband to my Tía Quecha, the passing of Norman Portocarrero, my cousin Odilie’s ex-husband, the perishing of Francisco De Franco, husband of my other cousin, Quechita and more recently the husband and son of my other two aunts, Tías Graciela y Adilia, Murdoch Cashion and Bill Way, respectively.

In my mind, the passing of my Tío Payo, was different in that, first of all, his death was felt by the entire family as well as his friends. After the news of his death, our home was flooded by phone calls from friends and family from San Diego, San Francisco, Stockton, Florida all the way to Nicaragua. Afterward, in his honor, the family reunited; something we had not done in many, many years, but not only in San Jose, but we also were in contact with the rest of the family in Nicaragua: my Tía Quecha, Tía Ofelita and my cousin Roberto Abraham.

I want to communicate to all of you, as I mentioned at the ceremony this past Saturday; my memories of him being playful and warm human being. When I was a little boy, he liked to rough house with me. He was always telling funny stories and joking around with my dad.

When I was older, I remember him dancing with my Tía Adilia and “break dancing” at one of our parties, helping me put together a list of Nicaraguan sayings and always calling my wife Mary Ann, instead of Jeri-Ann, which is her correct name. Sadly, I remember that sad day in October of 1991, which he dressed my Papa Leornardo for his funeral.

These are the memories of my Tío Payo that remain in my mind, an uncle who made me laugh and have fun.

His death has united our family with renewed strength. The reunion at Margarita’s (his wife) house not only made us remember him fondly but at the same time we realized what state the family was in currently in, as well as look over old photos of how we once were and recall our family members who have gone to a far better place. Consequently, we have decided to keep in contact more closely and frequently because after all, we are all here only for a limited time.

So concludes this part of my Tío Payo’s life, whom I loved very much.

Rest in Peace Tío! Take a seat next to my Papa Leonardo and Mama Ofelia. Save us a spot in the family circle, along with some drinks of Flor de Caña with Pepsi or Coca-Cola, with some delicious snacks, until our turn comes up to join you all.

“Pero no cambia mi amor..."
“But my love doesn’t change..."
"Por mas lejos que me encuentre..."
"No matter how far I find myself..."
"Ni el recuerdo ni el dolor..."
"Neither the memory, nor the pain..."
"De mi pueblo y de mi gente..."
"Of my country and my people..."
"Y lo que cambio ayer..."
"And what yesterday, changed..."
"Tendrá que cambiar mañana..."
"Tomorrow, again, will change..."
"Así como cambio yo..."
"As I as well, will change..."
"En esta tierra lejana.”
"In this far off land.”

Goodbye!


Paul M. Lacayo


• - Lyrics and Music: Julio Numhauser