Richard Jeni on Political Parties

From the HBO Special: “A Big Steaming Pile of Me”

“…As soon as you start talking about political things, that’s when everybody weighs in. Yeah!

Everybody gets pissed off.

‘Cause a lot of people are very extreme.

People are very sure about what they believe. They’re either on the far right or the far left of politics.

If you’re on the far right or the far left, you know what you’ve done now?

You’ve gone too far!

‘Cause that’s where you find the extremist wackos, right out there.

Cause after that 9/11 I was so mad I said: ‘That’s it! I’m becoming a hard core, hard assed, right wing Republican Fucker!’

So you run all the way over to the far right side, and there they are! There’s your right wing crew.

A bunch of: Money Grubbing, Green House Gassing, Seal Clubbing, Oil Drilling, Bible Thumping, Missile Firing, Right-to-Lifing, Lethal Injecting hypocrites!

There they are! There’s your crew. There they are.

People whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead Panda to the front of a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the Gay Parade! I can’t deal with them.

Get outta here!

I’m going over here to the left side, to be with all these Looney, lefty liberal people. And there’s the crew!

A bunch of: Bong Smoking, America Bashing, Flag Burning, Yoga Posing, Incense Burning, Dolphin Saving, Salmon Eating Hypocrites!

There they are. There’s the crew.

These are the sensitive liberal people who are always yelling about everybody’s freedom of speech and expression. Unless you say something that pisses them off!

Then they can’t wait to tie your ass to the back bumper of a Toyota Hybrid and drag you to the Berkeley Campus and drop your carcass in front of the Fidel Castro Building for the Continuing Study of Why America Sucks!

Lunatics!

The only place that makes sense to me, I think, is a little more moderate, in here, right? The Centrists, the middle, like me, yeah!

Yeah! A bunch of: Flip-flopping, Fence Sitting, Half In, Half Out, Half Assed, Non Voting, so they can bitch no matter who wins. Those are your guys.

But the ones that annoy me slightly more than all the rest of us are the Trillionaire Bleeding Heart Liberals; People who are going to change the world, if they have to spend every buck of your money to do it.

The Limousine Liberal People!

People living in a mansion that’s got twenty rooms that nobody’s in - they’re air-conditioned.

Got a pool that nobody goes in – it’s heated.

Flying across the country in a twenty person jet all by themselves ‘cause they don’t want to be late for a speech - about energy conservation.”

Watch the video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhw8DFSGzvg

Creation vs. Science – Just one person’s view

by Paul M. Lacayo

Why is there a struggle between supporters of creation that believe God created the world in six days and made man in his image versus those that believe that the world is tens of billions of years old and that the clouds of cosmic dust coalesced into a single entity spawning this seemingly one in an octillion chance of life planet we call Earth?

How about this: an infinitely wiser being one that has had no beginning and has no end, created the universe. In his infinite knowledge knew what he would create how it would turn out, blessed a certain species on one speck of dust in the cosmos to rise from the collection of atoms to reach for the stars and question its own existence and origin as well as that of its creator.

Doesn’t one think that a God or being that wise would also give man free will to question whether Adam and Eve begot the human race or a branch of the primate tree developed into the species that dominates this planet?

Why do we keep on fighting? Is it a need for attention? Is it a need for one side to always strive in topping another group’s differing point of view with their own?

My view is that the inherent qualities of childhood, the need to feel wanted, looked on, have approval from, be better than, etc., etc., stays with us until they lower us into the ground. Combine that with society’s conflicting views on life, the view on the state of the world, the view on the state of the species’ own existence leads to inevitable conflict.

Hell, if one person alone struggles with all these things within oneself, it's amazing that we can even get two people to see eye to eye sometimes.

My solution is this, and it is not one foreign to anyone:

We are only human. How in the name of all that is holy are we expected to figure all this stuff out: God, the Universe, our own planet, our evolution.

Answer, we can only try to explain it as best we can with the tools we have. I personally believe that there will never be an answer to it for us until we are reconciled with the creator. It is then that the truth will be revealed to us.

Why not reveal it to us now you say?

Then what would be the purpose of our existence? If everything is laid out for us, there is no purpose to doing anything. You think it would be easier for us to have this blissful existence here and now? A Utopia?

Well think again the next time someone has you do a simple exercise such as tossing coins into a hat from a reasonably close distance. After, maybe a couple of misses, the coin tosser would get good at it and then what happens? He or she gets bored!

They’ll think of new more challenging ways to toss the coins into the hat!

Under the leg, behind the back, one eye closed, both eyes closed, left handed, right handed, tip the hat, put the hat farther away, etc., etc.

Why don’t we play tic tac toe everyday? Right?!

Why don’t we do cartwheels when we think about going to work everyday?

Because for many of us, it gets boring! We want a challenge to fulfill! When we fulfill that challenge we look for the next one, and the next one and so on and so on and so on.

So the answers to the universe or the evolution of this planet and the placing of our species at the top of the food ladder will always be debated. Remember that’s why there’s a heaven and an earth. Earth is not heaven, so don’t expect all the answers. Keep challenging yourself. But for heaven’s sake can we stop all the fighting about whether it’s six days or 4.5 billion years?! Find a middle ground like I have and make peace with it and put it to bed.

At least in my mind, I can find peace that in the end, one wiser than I put it all here for me to appreciate it and wonder at it. You and I will find out what it’s all about on the other side.

So ladies and gentlemen…

Knock it off and get back to work!

“We now return control of your television set.”