Richard Jeni on Political Parties

From the HBO Special: “A Big Steaming Pile of Me”

“…As soon as you start talking about political things, that’s when everybody weighs in. Yeah!

Everybody gets pissed off.

‘Cause a lot of people are very extreme.

People are very sure about what they believe. They’re either on the far right or the far left of politics.

If you’re on the far right or the far left, you know what you’ve done now?

You’ve gone too far!

‘Cause that’s where you find the extremist wackos, right out there.

Cause after that 9/11 I was so mad I said: ‘That’s it! I’m becoming a hard core, hard assed, right wing Republican Fucker!’

So you run all the way over to the far right side, and there they are! There’s your right wing crew.

A bunch of: Money Grubbing, Green House Gassing, Seal Clubbing, Oil Drilling, Bible Thumping, Missile Firing, Right-to-Lifing, Lethal Injecting hypocrites!

There they are! There’s your crew. There they are.

People whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead Panda to the front of a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the Gay Parade! I can’t deal with them.

Get outta here!

I’m going over here to the left side, to be with all these Looney, lefty liberal people. And there’s the crew!

A bunch of: Bong Smoking, America Bashing, Flag Burning, Yoga Posing, Incense Burning, Dolphin Saving, Salmon Eating Hypocrites!

There they are. There’s the crew.

These are the sensitive liberal people who are always yelling about everybody’s freedom of speech and expression. Unless you say something that pisses them off!

Then they can’t wait to tie your ass to the back bumper of a Toyota Hybrid and drag you to the Berkeley Campus and drop your carcass in front of the Fidel Castro Building for the Continuing Study of Why America Sucks!

Lunatics!

The only place that makes sense to me, I think, is a little more moderate, in here, right? The Centrists, the middle, like me, yeah!

Yeah! A bunch of: Flip-flopping, Fence Sitting, Half In, Half Out, Half Assed, Non Voting, so they can bitch no matter who wins. Those are your guys.

But the ones that annoy me slightly more than all the rest of us are the Trillionaire Bleeding Heart Liberals; People who are going to change the world, if they have to spend every buck of your money to do it.

The Limousine Liberal People!

People living in a mansion that’s got twenty rooms that nobody’s in - they’re air-conditioned.

Got a pool that nobody goes in – it’s heated.

Flying across the country in a twenty person jet all by themselves ‘cause they don’t want to be late for a speech - about energy conservation.”

Watch the video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhw8DFSGzvg